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the grackly glare of interference broadcast on every station - why bother having stations? why bother bragging to people that they've reached another dead end?

by Sex, Fear

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1.
Absolved 04:58
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One not find it here, the solution clear, constitution, breaking resolution Such a cynical game, war fought for fortune or fame, defenestration, time for resignation April, the cruelest month, broken images in dust, clairvoyance, couldn’t have foretold us Sensibility destroyed, whispers employed, cold metaphysics, warm between dry ribs This bitterness of heart Of all feeling you lack This bitterness of soul No longer to extol, Has left us dead The bitterness of mind Of immoral kind, hanging by a thread This salted earth, malignant birth, fire creeping out the cracks I’m no longer here, mortal plane severe, severs onward, coils unwrap and falter Engulfed in the drought of days, wasteland unfazed, king turns his back on, arid fields that haunt us Thunder without rain, its voice cries out in pain, what words it said, left misheard or misread Cryptic messages unfurl, and the gyre whirls, center breaking, God’s left foresaken Well I’m no reluctant corpse, I thought I was better than that Avoid the middle course, no hell truer to point at Now that I’ve become nothing, I can’t help but laugh And now that I know nothing, gives way to oil, tar, now ash And here it comes Absolved by the saints of the world Stretched taut, Arrows flung, unyielded the ghost give in, forced out, inversions of shame absolve, absolved, for sins in our name absolve, absolved, we brandish it all Absolved By the length of a life Unlived, unloved, time frozen in strife Read the lines, dread the words, the escape is to die Absolve, Absolved, not alive not deceased Absolve, Absolved, mass has ended go in peace Absolved Absolved Absolved Absolved
2.
Chimneys 07:39
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Now it’s dark They stand as two chimneys, billowing into the stifling expanse The fire in their bellies reduced to ash Now it’s quiet Cold air pressing in Nothing is said, but something is felt A creeping apprehension, and a deepening doubt I want out right now Yeah, I want out right now I hate to see you go But I, I want out right now Now it’s still They shiver but not from the chill, no no no With eyes yet unmet, they wait with bated breath For the moment soon arriving, and by god is it exciting Hold on, I think I can hear it, I think I can feel it coming on, no no no Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes I want out right now Yeah, I want out right now I hate to see you go But I, I want out right now Hold on, hold on I wasn’t done talking yet Look me in the eyes Well I’m chaos walking Do you know it too? This fear that I’ve captured Is it the verge of desolation or the brink of rapture?
3.
Byzantine Camshaft 02:54
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In time The sun will rise at night The sky Will be all white Our skin It will ignite In time, in time You bear the brunt of it I’ll make the most of it You’ll bear the cost of it I’ll make the most from it (Well I didn’t know) Well it’s (It’s just a little bit) Too much to ask And it’s (It’s just a little bit) Out of my grasp Your head’s (It’s just a little bit) Far up your ass And it’s (It’s just a little bit) Far gone this time It’s just like a Byzantine Camshaft
4.
Sorry Not Funny 07:29
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Here Here’s what I see None of you interest me You inspire apathy Late Lately I’ve thought How much I bite my tongue Keep words from anyone It’s It’s not just the state That I find myself in Revolving door of emotion Trust Trust is not kept When keeping to yourself When in fear of everyone else He walks into a basement clutching at his hands, his face, pulling at clothing, tearing of nails, of skin Eyes unable to direct, bouncing around the room like a cue ball, the give and pull of his malaise His favorite activities, solitude, disappointing others, and thinking of how he is so broadly schemed against In-between ritual self-abuse, drinking alone, and pondering heroes he will never amount to be I’ve been dragged out again With the best of intentions Doesn’t matter very much when it feels all the same Have you tried sleeping? Have you lived in your dreams? Have you ever wept at the thought of turning back? Not a fan of attention No need for such applause Shrill sounds or cackling laughs What a funny joke What a cunning scheme That you all have played on me I I have no Such illusions now I’m just merely counting down Until Until it seems Damage will be minimal In the absence of variables I’d hate To make you wait I’m preparing as I speak You’re in for a real treat A laugh Cuts through the dark It’s time for the final act I implore you all to clap He walks into a basement, ears drowning in voices, his agitation more palpable than the rest Amongst such a eccentric crowd, he spies, the punks, the snakes, the craven, and the meek Introduced to a varied cast of characters, he never seems to remember any of them He was never such a sucker for continuity, or at least he cannot be considering what is next When they pull me down Rope no longer taut I wonder what expression we will both receive That eternal grimace Claw marks on both cheeks Of little consequence at that point to me Now here’s the punchline Bet you’ll guess what it may be Always hit ‘em with that slapstick comedy What a funny joke It’ll truly be When you find me affixed to the ceiling It was these hands, these hands The same hands playing this song These hands, they cling for life Under a chair, felt in absence of You can stop laughing now
5.
Magnanimous Man 05:02
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Magnanimous man on the corner His shirt is flower embroidered And oh his thoughts how they loiter His head lolls putting them in order I wish you well but you can only help yourself It’s a shame that you think life is better unfelt It’s those weary eyes and those shuffling feet Is this what you want? They say that nothing bothers him So of course he’s bothered all the time How can one be so haughty yet sullen The head melts the soul in its jet fuel oven I wish you well but you can only help yourself It’s a shame that you think life is better unfelt It’s those weary eyes and those shuffling feet It’s all downhill now Look at me now oh well I’m turning cold somehow Don’t you know it’s true If you choose you lose There’s you With the devil and the deep sea
6.
Vitamin Song 05:19
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Day breaks, vitamins in I wake Vitamin B12 6:30 AM Vitamin C 7:00 AM Combing hair and brushing teeth 7:30 AM Drive to work, 55 the whole way, no more no less Mutter under my breath “What a world” Vitamins keep us alive I’m in need of a push Vitamins in It’ll work out fine I’ll just need to start breathing in this goddamned oxygen No longer human you’ll see Peer into my cold gray eyes The vitamins controlling me doing their best, at least for a while Day breaks, vitamins in Looming over me Vitamin D 6:30 AM Clean the gashes all over my skin 7:00 AM Vitamins B1 through 9 7:30 AM Car stalls, left screaming, my temperament maligned So full of contempt For myself, surroundings, whomever is left I’m in need of a push One small step To leave myself resigned I’ll just need to stop breathing in this goddamned oxygen It’s not living you’ll see But what else? Because it sure ain’t dying It’s just one of those days One of those months Embrace the decline God blessed your struggle Tears rolling down your cheeks Illuminated to an audience of thousands Your sadness made you pure It made you feel righteous It made all that pain worthwhile My struggle made me wicked It made me the worst man that I’ll ever know I’ve scorned all those still foolish enough to heed my wretched voice God had no such charms for me Only the virtues of cowardice, bitterness, malevolence, amongst a dozen other certain evils My frustrations built a cage up and around my soul And the key dangling over me all of this time Is to trample on others like you But this is all an astounding fiction, This is not my blood splattered against the bathroom wall, nor shower, nor tile floor, nor whatever’s left, that simply was but is no longer me I’m a moral litmus test I’m beyond normal Because these are only the thoughts I entertain, the thoughts of the normal No passion No words No future or past I can’t talk my way out of this one I have no recourse for that I’ll end today’s session with a few more parting words What’s a man to do when regret and unkindness is your life’s only work?
7.
Matt's Song 3 04:27
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There’s always something that hits too close to home Another disembodied hand peeling you off your bed Fingers hooked around your neck It can’t hurt you but I know what can Ghostly figures, speak their truth, horrors, you are, subject to, fading, floating, burning, wailing, out the window, see them trailing Such fervor, it takes, hold of me, chains that rattle, never sleep, in silence, calling, screaming, howling, lives unending, hear the shouting It’s a shame you’re so uneasy, because the repulsion, it completes me No words would ever take my breath, table silence commence Those words can’t describe me, looking for something a bit more uncanny I think I’ll quit while I’m ahead, better unheard than misread There’s always something that hits too close to home Another disembodied voice threatening to beat your ass And I can laugh at that Especially given I’d do the same if asked Static, overwhelms my view, colors, creep in, dullened hues, lurking, crawling, gripping, baiting, for my slip-up they’re awaiting Voices, that don’t answer me, sharpened words, mental debris, falling, speeding, begging, pleading, the end of senses is proceeding You should know before you go, I am nothing but a ghoul, I am inside your walls too You should hear before you’re scared, the Hodag or Sasquatch am I, or other creatures that mystify You might find rather unkind, my teeth sink into you like veal, I’m a vampire lest I conceal You just wait before the date, I find a much more powerful form, I am stress and I am storm
8.
Dream Drinker 04:08
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I don’t deal in exaltation I just felt an expectation I don’t deal in exaltation I just felt an obligation Yesterday I saw a thinker A bonafide dream drinker He paused his speech to consider And let his words linger This ain’t some corporeal crooner Hell I bet he’d sooner Get a full mouth suture Than be some bad habit moocher
9.
Roswell 04:27
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My head turns into frame Lights flash over the lane Half a blink it’s gone away My eyes widen just the same I don’t know What I saw Your sigh, your smile There’s nothing wrong All’s well ends well Oh Well Full moon is out tonight The field is bathed in white I beheld an eerie sight Pale figures in moonlight I don’t know What I saw Something’s off After all All’s well ends well Oh Well Crop circles Hanging around Crop circles That I have found Everything is as it seems Still you hold me in your beam There remains that spectral theme I still hear it in my dreams I don’t know What I saw Still it holds me In thrall All’s well ends well Oh Well The body still holds shape Despite the soul’s escape Through your mouth agape Up to that astral shape I think I know What I saw Can I still know you? After it all All’s well ends well Oh Well We’ve met before on another star Go ahead and abduct me again Hold me up over thin air It’ll end again with that alien stare

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released January 30, 2024

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Sex, Fear Madison, Wisconsin

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